Rain
by Syciara-Lynx
Summary: SeiferxSquall [AngstxDarkFiction] After someone dies, Seifer seems to be losing himself in the aftermath, what can Squall do to help him. Lemons in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, hello everyone, thank you for deciding to take a read at my fic. It will be mainly angst for the first few chapters, then it will be mixed with some lemons ( SeiferSquall ) . To be warned, this may be really dark to some people, it is an angst fic. Mainly because i'm going through some horrible things right now and I need to let some of my emotions be let loose in this fic. Sorry if I seem a little on the moody side. Anywhos, please R&R!

* * *

"Alright class! Today is just a regular Traing Centre day. I will be marking you on your basic combat skills based on how you take down the monsters you are faced with. Call me when you come across a monster so that I can see how you do. Remember to work as a team, so there will be less chance of an injury, and what do you do if you come across a level 3 or higher type monster?" Seifer Almasy asked as he went about signing people into groups. Now that the war was over, Seifer had come back and passed his exam to become a SeeD, but in order to go on any missions, you had to teach a class, much to his dismay. _Well, at least I get to teach something fun! I'd take combat practise over Guardian Force History any day._

"We call for you through our radios and avoid angering them at all cost." A student with red hair said as he was signed into group 3.

"Good, make sure you do BOTH of those things. Even I would have trouble taking down an angry T-rexaur. Also, please don't try and be macho and take something down your self, and do NOT seperate from your groups. I don't want to have to hunt you down, and I'm sure you don't want me to either, as you can remember from last time Mr. Raddins!"

The boy he was reffering to had done so last time and Seifer had had to hunt for him for nearly an hour before he found him in the damned forest.

The brunette stood up with a sheepish blush. "Yes Sir."

"Good. Now one group at a time go in, I will go to the centre so that I can come quickly if there are any problems, get going." With that he watched as group after group went in and walked in different directions. After everyone was in he lazily swung Hyperion over his shoulder and walked towards the center of the forest.

His first call was to group 4, which was to be expected, as Seifer had seen them run in the direction of the gratt dens. Thus there was the first battle between 4 people, and a gratt. SUPREMELY boring. Next he got called to group 2, who had discovered the harpie nest, which was at least more amusing to watch as they kept trying to rearrange themselves when their oppenents took flight. Just before the last one was taken down his radio sent off it's emergency siren.

"Instructor Almasy! We lost Raddins!" Came the voice of group 1's leader. Her voice sounded panic stricken over the connection.

"Damn it! If I have to scour this place for him again he's going to be doing cafeteria cleanup duty until he DIES. How did this happen?!" He said angrily. "Nevermind that, I'm going to watch the end of this battle and then I'll look for him, I'm not leaving the only thing that's amused me all day for the guy that doesn't have enough braincells to master a belt buckle."

"But, Sir!"

"Are you arguing with me Telmur?"

"No Sir, i'll wait on standby."

"Very well, Almasy out." With that he turned of his radio and finished watching as the last harpie was taken down by a dagger that pierced her right wing.

"Excellent job, Shina! Take your group back to the main room, and wait for us there."

"Thank you Sir, Would you like me to get the other groups as well?" She asked, pausing for a moment as her group started to gather their fallen weapons.

"Yes, except team 1, I need to have a word with them."

"Very well Sir." With that she turned and started yelling orders to her group before moving out. Her strong leadership reminded him of Squall, not to mention her icy demeanor. She would grow to be a very skilled SeeD if she kept going the way she was. Squall was always an excellent leader, even when Seifer was on the other side of the battles, he could tell. They could be on a suicide mission, but if Squall was at the forefront, they would never show fear. Seifer envied him, but was too admiring to be much of a threat anymore.

Seifer sighed. _Squall... why is it you that has that wretched ability to make me cower, to make me actually sorry for things i've done. What is it about you? _Getting distracted away from his thoughts when he heard a scream, he ran off in that direction.

He came across group one, and a large fire-type lizard. Telmur was desperatly trying to get her group together when she saw him.

"Oh thank god your here, none of us have anything junctioned, so we couldn't take down these guys!"

Seifer nodded and quickly called to Diablos, who immeadiatly crushed the lizard, then returned to his junctioned form.

"Telmur!! Now tell me how we once again lost Raddins?" He ordered, pushing the tip of Hyperion into the ground to lean on while he listened.

"Well Sir, we came across these fire type lizards and because none of us had anything junctioned, we could not kill them, as our normal attacks do nothing. When the Matriarch (1) came, we knew we couldn't kill her, so Raddin's distracted her and got her to chase after him into the forest, they went that way." She said, pointing to a new made path of crushed trees.

"Shit! Telmur, get your group out of here to the mainroom and call down Commander Squall Leonhart and Dr. Kadowaki, if I get to him before he's too badly hurt, I want the Commander to verbally disembowl him." Seifer ordered, running through the broken trees.

Eventually the forest opened up to a rocky area, where Seifer found it hard to track them. He spent a few minutes scouring the area for signs of them until he heard the clanging of metal and a roar. He came across Raddins and a very large, very irritated lizard. The brunette was desperatly trying to block it's attacks with his forearm swords, but it was obvious he was exhausted. Seifer ran foreward just as the lizard swung it's tail around and knocked the boy flying backwards into him, knocking them both down.

"Raddins? RADDINS!" Seifer called, trying to shake the boy into conciousness._ Damn it, he's knocked out. I'm going to have to take on this thing by myself. _Seifer stood and quickly averted it's attention away from the fallen boy, running to the left with short slashes to it's face and shoulders. The beast, getting very annoyed, brought a sharpened talon down through Seifer's right shoulder. He screamed in agony, clutching at the gaping wound.

Growling, Seifer slashed at it's face again, trying to cut it's eyes, which were it's weak spots. The beast reared back and smacked him into a tree, where he slumped to the ground after the air was knocked out of him. _Damn, that hurt, I think i've broken some ribs, I may need some help with this one. _Gingerly, he reached into his pocket for his walkie-talkie.

"This is Seifer Almasy, who can hear me!"

"It's Squall, myself and Dr. Kadowaki are here as requested, what do you need?"

Seifer sighed in relief, " I need some help Squall, I'm pretty banged up and Raddins is unconcious. This beast takes everything I throw at it and sends it back tenfold."

"Alright, I'm on my way, where are you guys?" Came the answer along with backround static.

"I'm not too sure, take Telmur, she should be able to lead you to us."

"Copy that, hold tight Seif." The transmition ended.

_Easy for you to say._ Thought Seifer when he was forced to roll to the left as the monster charged at him. He started to run again, holding his battered ribs when his feet got knocked from under him by the tail. Within seconds the beast was on him, snapping at his face while he thrashed under it's claws.

"Let go of me you jack ass!" He screamed, freeing one arm and punching it square in the jaw. It reeled backwards from the impact and Seifer scooted as far away as he could manage, but the added pressure the monster had applied to his ribs had taken it's toll and he could only move a few yards.

"Sir! Are you alright!?" Seifer jumped as he heard a voice beside him, and realised that Raddin's had regained consciousness and was looking at him with a concerned gaze.

"Doesn't matter! Get the fuck out of here, now Raddins!" He yelled, knowing that they were no match for it now that he was immobilized.

"No Sir! You will die if I leave you here!" He said stubbornly, standing to his full height in front of him.

"And we will BOTH die if you stay! There is help on the way, if you want to help go and find them and bring them here!" _If I don't make him go, he will undoubtly do something idiotic to try and save me. Why won't he just leave!_

The argument was stopped by an earsplitting roar. Raddins turned to see what was happening, and Seifer, who had a very strong hunch, reached up and grabbed him with the last of his strength, dragging him down. It was not fast enough though, and a fireball tore through Raddins right side. The world seemed to move in slow motion as Seifer watched the boy's disbelieving face as his eyes widened and his pupils turned to small slits. He fell to his knees without grace, falling foreward onto Seifer. The blood stained ground gleamed in the coming nightfall, and everything regained it's former motion.

"Fuck NO! RADDINS!!" Seifer shrieked, shoving phoenix down after phoenix down into his chest, he tried again and again with potions and Esuna, but nothing worked. His hands were soaked with the boy's blood as tears began to leak from the sides of his face. He tried desperatly to bring Raddins back._ It's my fault, it's all my fault, I could have done something! I'm such a fucking bastard! _Raddins had a hole in his side, at least a foot in diameter, but Seifer refused to acknowledge the idea of hopelessness. He felt the entire clearing cool down, and realised that Squall was here, using Shiva on the beast. He felt the ground quake as the monster fell, but didn't care, he took the unmoving body of the boy in his arms and rocked back and forth, not comprehending of what was happening.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up into stormy gray eyes.

"You have to let him go Seifer. There's nothing you can do now." He whispered to him. Seifer closed his eyes and shook his head, not finding the strength to voice his words. Arms wrapped around him and he dimly felt himself being pulled backwards after his arms were freed.

"No, no , I can't, Squall, it's my fault, I have to bring him back! Squall, PLEASE!" He said, struggling in Squall's hold. Even with his drained strength, he pushed his body over it's limit to try and get bak to the boy. Squall held strong though, and before long Seifer just couldn't try anymore and collapsed against Leonhart, falling to his knees with his face against Squall's stomach, still clutching his leather coat in his fists.

"I'm sorry, Seif, you did everything you could, we'll leave it to Telmur and Kadowaki to make the proper arrangements for him." Squall whispered, dropping down to his level and putting his hands on Seifer's shoulders.

"No, no there must be something! I could..." Seifer said, closing his eyes and resting his tear-streaked face against Squall's chest. He felt Squall pull him into his embrace and he wrapped his arms around, silently crying into his shoulder.

"C'mon Seifer, there is nothing you can do. We need to take you to the infirmary and get your ribs checked out." Squall whispered into his ear. He felt himself gently being lifted up, and soon found himself on Squall's back.

Seifer didn't argue about being carried, he knew he was hardly in any condition for standing , let alone walking. Not that he could speak at the moment, he didn't want to hear words, even from his own mouth. He knew that the moment words were heard, that this would be real, and that he wouldn't wake up, that nothing could be done to change this situation. He knew Squall would already think this, and to show some sort of thanks, he tightened his hold around his neck.

He felt the horrible pain knawing at his heart and tears flowing down his cheeks. The physical and emotional agony were ripping at his mind and he let his head drop onto Squall's shoulder before losing to the blackness.

* * *

tbc

(1) Matriarch is like a female leader, like the queen, or the head nun, etc.

Hello peoples, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. This is my first attempt at an good angst fic, just so you know there WILL be lemon's in later chapters, but thats not for a while.

I realise that some of you will think that Seifer wouldn't have been affected like he did because of the numerous battles he's been in. My theory for my insanity is that he wasn't expecting it, since when you are in a war zone, you expect people to die, you expect to lose friends. However, nobody was supposed to die here, nobody was even supposed to get hurt here. Also, this was one of his students, he was supposed to protect them, and make sure that nothing happened, and he failed.

Thank you for reading!! Please be kind and drop me a review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8 or it's characters. Maybe one day! If Squaresoft would be ever so kind?

Warnings: Yaoi, shounen-ai, bl, man on man action! not yet though AND A TONNE OF ANGST!

I'm so slow to update! I'm sorry! I got Norwalk Virus. You don't know what it is to be sick, until you've thrown up for 13 hours straight. It was AWFUL. Like, I have lacerations in my throat from throwing up so fucking much. Not fun. Anywhos, on with the chapter!

This is a really important chapter to understand the basis of my story, if you don't understand something please ask me!

* * *

_Seifer wandered across a foggy landscape. He knew this was a dream. He knew it. And yet, he couldn't seem to wake up. _

_'What is this place?' He asked himself, finding a shallow pool amid the constant white. _

_'It is whatever you want it to be!' A voice said. _

_Seifer spun around and came face to face with a little girl. She looked ... etheral. She had long white hair that was spun into a braid, almost white skin, and she was wearing a white dress. However, the thing that caught Seifer's attention the quickest was her eyes. They were blood red. They looked at him with such curiosity, and yet, Seifer was reminded of a different blood. The blood that had stained his hands the night before._

_He looked down. His hands were once again covered in blood, dripping into the water. Seifer looked back at the girl in disbelief. She merely looked back at him inquisitively. He stared at his hands again, before running forward to the water. He placed his hands in the water, scrubbing them furiously. He took them out of the water, they were still covered! He looked into the crystaline pool, where he saw remnants of the previous blood disappating. He tried again, staring intently at his hand, they looked clean in the water, but when he took them out, the where bloody again. _

_'What the fuck is going on?! Why won't my hands come clean?!' He yelled, turning to the girl with his hands out. _

_She ran foreward with a small smile, placing her hands under his. The blood didn't run onto her hands, it just seemed to go through her. _

_'You are guilty' She said simply standing once more and walking to the edge of the water. _

_'What do you mean?!' Seifer asked following her, slightly fearful, as though he already knew the answer._

_The little girl looked up at him, then back to the water. She placed one foot over the water and stood on it. Seifer gasped slightly as she walked to the middle of the pool, feet just touching the surface of the water. _

_'What do you mean.' Seifer whispered. _

_It started to rain, droplets running down his face. Or were they tears? He didn't know. _

_The small girl turned. 'Look into the water.'_

_Seifer did as asked, and backed away slowly, a bloodied hand covering his mouth. The pool was blood. The deep rich colour seemed to be looking into him, challenging him. It rippled under her feet._

_Her smile disappeared from her face, left with only a cold, clinical expression._

_"Blood never comes off of guilty hands."_

_It started to thunder in the distance._

_Rain pounded down on him._

* * *

Seifer jolted forward as he woke, his mind racing. He quickly regretted doing so, as his ribs screamed in protest and he gingerly set himself back down.

He opened his eyes and saw the cold face of Squall, a couple feet to his right. He tried to open his mouth to say something, but all that came out was a croak, which immediatly became a coughing fit, further agrivating his ribs.

He placed his arms around his midsection and winced at the pain as he continued to cough. He felt something cold hit his lips and lifted one of his hands to grab the glass of water that Squall had brought to him.

When he was finished he whispered a thank you and lay back down, closing his eyes. He didn't want another person's sympathy. _I don't deserve any caring that anyone has for me. It was all my fault, I could've done something, but I didn't. It's always me. That girl... spoke the truth. _He heard retreating footsteps and let out a sigh as he heard Squall shut the door.

He curled his body up as much as his injuries would allow, and closed his eyes as a small stream of tears ran from his eyes.

* * *

Squall walked over to Dr. Kadowaki, who looked extremely tired. Repairing Seifer's ribs had taken a long time, as many were fractured in more than one place. Her face was drawn and there were dark circles under her eyes. She looked up as he stepped closer.

"He's awake?"

Squall nodded.

"Good, he can take a potion now that the bones are set. His physical injuries should be healed completely within the week." She said, sending one of the nurses off to do so before standing up and re-filling her cup of coffee.

"Preparations for Raddins?" Squall asked, using as little words as he could think of.

She sighed. "His funeral is set for tomorrow, in the main hall. Tilmit is looking after most of that. I assume you will be there as well."

"Hnn." It's not like he would choose not to go, but he did have to. As the Commander of Balamb Garden, it was his duty. He wondered how Seifer would fare, undoubtly he would go too, but what about the other people in the boy's group? He would have to keep an eye on them to make sure nothing happened.

He turned to leave, but stopped when he felt a hand on his arm.

"Squall, I need to ask something of you." She looked very worried. _Never a good sign._

"Yes?"

"It's about Seifer. He seems to have suffered some horrible physcological damage. My belief is that because of the awful situation of what happened he is starting to relive what he did to everyone during the Sorceress' War. He's basically being forced to come to terms with _everything_ that he has done. As you may have seen in there, he is showing chronic depression. He's only been here for 3 days, but he barely eats, never speaks, and he isn't getting rest no matter how much he sleeps."

Squall looked directly to her as she continued to talk about the symptoms. _Reliving everything? Oh god. Seifer... but in a sense, I suppose that's karma, wait what the fuck? I don't want him to hurt do I?! _No, Squall decided, he didn't. He loved Seifer. As much as he tried to suppress the feeling, he knew it was true. He had always loved him. When he was still with them. But when he left, oh god, when he left to go to Ultimecia? It had literally burned his soul. Not that he would have ever told him about his feelings, but at least there was always a slim hope, until that day. Then he had to fight against him, to which he put all of his fury and feelings of betrayal into the battle, but inside he couldn't believe what was happening.

Over the years, his heart had built up an icy wall to protect itself so that would never happen again. If it did, Squall knew he could never survive. It was too much to bear.

Since Seifer came back, he'd kept up his iciness because he refused to allow himself to fall in love again. Though when he saw Seifer bloodied on the ground, he tried to convice himself that the reason his heart had jumped hadn't been because he cared.

But you can't do something again if you haven't stopped the first time, all you can do is run from it. And that's exactly what Squall has been doing. Avoiding the firey knight at all costs. Barely speaking to him. Eventhough, inside he wanted to yell, he wanted to scream at him for leaving, for hurting him thise way, but... that would tell him of his feelings. That would leave him vulnerable once more, and he couldn't take that risk.

"Squall?"

"Sorry, what was that?"

"Look, I know that you have a lot on your plate already, but I need someone to watch out for Seifer for a couple of days. I'm worried that he may do something foolish in his depression if he is left alone."

"Why me?" Squall started to panic, there was no way he could, he couldn't be that close to Seifer!

"You appear to be the only one he remains in contact with, scarce though it may be." Was it just him, or did her voice have a subtle hint of accusation in it? "Look Squall, no one else will take him, and I really don't want to deal with two deaths in one week.

That made Squall's heartbeat quicken. The thought of Seifer killing himself would be worse than if he had betrayed him again.

He gritt his teeth. "Alright, I will do it."

"To be warned, he is extremely prone to anxiety attacks, which you will just have to wait out if they happen. I'm giving you the week off to watch over him. He's been having nightmares too, but he refuses to speak to anyone," She gave a ironically grim smile, ' So I suppose you will do just fine with him."

Squall maintained his cold demeanor, though his heart was dreading the pain of being so close to him. A few nights ago was bad enough, especiallly when Seifer had embraced him and cried into him. But he didn't want him to suffer, not now, after all this time.

"Take care, I'll send him up to your dorm later."

Squall opened the door, but just before he left Dr. Kadowaki came up and whispered to him.

"Please just remember Squall, it's always difficult to forgive the ones you love, but the hardest thing for a person to do is to forgive themselves."

She had ment for the second part to be more prominent, but the whole time Squall was walking back to his dorm, he just kept running it over in his mind.

* * *

_TBC and please review!!! If you have any questions just ask and I will do my best to answer them!_

_Thanks to:_

**SilverXXRain**

**Darkyu**

for reviewing! You guys rock socks!  



	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, or Squall, or Seifer, don't sue me!

Warnings: Yaoi , shounen-ai , ANGST

Syci: Please don't kill me! -Hides- I know i've been EXTREMELY LAZY, especially since i'm on maternity leave, but, but, well, I'm out of excuses, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

Squall ran his fingers over the handle on his coffee cup, leaning back on his couch. He had allowed Seifer his bed after he'd arrived, trying to prove his worthiness as a host. It had been two days since he had spoken with Kadowaki and Squall was exhausted. Not because of Seifer, the man hardly spoke or acknowledged anything in anyway.

His current state of exhaustion was due to his inability to sleep.

Sleeping and dreaming are the ways in which the heart speaks, and his had become rather loud and unforgiving since he took on Seifer.

He was terrified , relieved. He hated him, but he loved him.

He could not sleep.

His subconcious had already begun to ignore his concious paranoia and delve into what it could be like, if he just gave in, if he surrendered to his heart.

He had taken that temptation away from himself.

He made sure that when he slept he would not awake, alone in the same place as the man he loved.

Because there would be nothing to stop him then.

And thus his problem now. It was three in the morning. Having already had this problem for two days, he was beginning to fall into a routine. When he came home he drank coffee until the first few hours of the day, then he would go to his office and do all the paperwork he had to do that day. Then he would sleep in his office for as long as he deemed safe, and return to Seifer, rested, but not fully.

A sudden noise jarred Squall from his thoughts. He looked around his living room, finding nothing.

"Probably just the rain." He said quietly, standing and walking to the window. He watched as the rain slammed itself down on the concrete of the blacony. It had downpoured for six straight days now. The funeral for Raddins had been postponed until the weather cleared up.

He began to walk back to the couch when he heard it again. He placed his cup on the endtable and walked towards the noise. His hand came to rest on the doornob to Seifer's temporary room. Slowly he turned the handle and opened the door.

* * *

Seifer was walking down a black brick corridor. The horrible sense of deja vu was sending shivering tendrils up his spine.

It was almost silent. His boots tapping on the stone with each stride. He could almost hear a bell tolling in the distance.

He followed the lanturns through the maze of a dungeon. The end of the labyrinth leaving him at the top of a spiral staircase leading farther down into the shadowy depths.

As his foot hit the first stair, he knew instantly where he was, and he knew that he did not want to be here. His mind screamed at him, trying to get him to turn around, to leave, but his feet continued down, tapping, clicking, on the cold stone stairs. He tried to close his eyes as he came to the last bend because he didn't want to remember, he didn't want to see it again.

He walked into the room as it unfolded around him. He saw the jailcells.

Tears began to fall from pained eyes that would not close as they viewed the people, former friends, that lay shackled and broken in the cells.

There was Selphie, uncharacteristically silent, having slumped in her bonds. Irvine, barely two feet away from her in the same cell, straining against his shackles. Screaming and calling to her as he tried to get over to her.

Seifer continued down, turning his head away from the scene. His heart pounded in his chest as he continued down the line, passing similar cells with similar situations. His movements slowed as he came to the end.

He knew who's cell it was. He'd recognised the screams the moment he had hit the staircase.

He knew what was causing them.

Slowly his steps shortened and his body began to turn. Knowing full well what he would see, he tried once more to close his eyes, but they just became wider with fear and tears. They continued their violent streak down his cheeks as his eyes found the source of the screams, the same screams a whisper from past ghosts.

"Squall." He whispered

His hands closed around the iron bars as he saw a slightly younger Squall pant and bring tear filled eyes to ... Seifer. The younger Seifer. The Seifer that was slowly slicing a blade along Squall's chest, with malice burning in his eyes. Seifer fell to his knees against the bars as he watched himself slide a dagger through Squall's arm. Squall screamed in pain, thrashing as the muscles continued to tear, blood dripping down his arm from the wound. Seifer knew what would happen next, he mimed the words as the left the mouths of the speakers.

"Why are you doing this!" Squall groaned out.

His counterpart grinned and leaned in close.

"Because I can." He grabbed the dagger and twisted it harshly.

Squall shrieked and fell the short distance the shackles allowed , evidently passing out from pain.

Seifer found his hand coming to his mouth as he choked back a sob.He stood and backed himself into the other wall.

"Now do you understand?"

Seifer jumped and turned.

There was the girl, silver hair falling about her shoulders. Red eyes searching him curiously. She lifted a slim finger and pointed at his hands.

He followed her gaze and looked in sorrow as he watched blood drip from them onto the cold stone below.

"No, no! It wasn't me! I wouldn't... my thoughts weren't to hurt them, but I wasn't me, those weren't me thoughts, It wasn't me!"

"Then who was it?" She grabbed his hand and led him throught the iron bars as if they weren't even there. The other Seifer backhanded Squall across the face before ripping the blade from his flesh and leaving the cell. The girl watching him for a moment before walking up to Squall and placing a pale hand on the newly bruised cheek. She looked back to Seifer.

He could hardly move, or think, or anything. He was almost broken.

She lifted Squall's bloodied hand up with his own and they watched.

A single drop of blood simultaneosly left his and Squall's fingertips and contiued their fall to the floor.

"Who was it then." She asked looking at him as if he would hold the answers to life's questions.

A hand on his shoulder renched him from his past nightmare.

* * *

Hated it? Loved it? Supressing the urge to throw tomatoes? Whatever, just give me some feedback.

And I know that I TOTALLY SCREWED UP THE PLOT OF THE GAME. Seifer was dreaming of the Desert Prison by the way. But I DON'T CARE. -Flaunts Creative License-

Hope you enjoyed!

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, Squall, or Seifer; I merely had an idea for a story. 

Warnings: Angst, Lemons in later chapters, Yaoi, some OOC

* * *

Rain Chapter Four, The Walk

* * *

Squall had stepped in only to discover Seifer thrashing in his sleep, bathed in a cold sweat.

He immediately went to his side and shook him awake, as the rain pounded on the open balcony. He jumped back slightly as bright blue eyes shot open. Seifer looked stunned for a moment, before scrambling backwards off the bed. He stood and looked at Squall, fear evident in his eyes.

"Seifer?" Squall asked, moving a few steps closer to the wary blonde. It took him a moment to realise the blonde was looking at him, but not seeing him, he must have been seeing something else, something he remembered.

* * *

Seifer took a step back, his heart pounding much faster than in should be. There was Squall. Just like in his dream. Bleeding, broken, and looking at him with betrayal evident in sad eyes.

"I can't... I can't do this again!" He screamed, his head pounding, and his heart speeding to painful degrees. He eyed the open balcony and ran for it, seeking to end the pain.

* * *

_Shit. _Was Squall's only thought as he saw Seifer bolt. Glad that he was faster, he still barely managed to tackle Seifer to the ground before he reached the railing. The blonde fought his hold, and he grunted when a solid blow landed in his stomach, courtesy of Seifer's elbow. Finally, he managed to drag him into a headlock, before using his weight to pull him down to the ground against the wall.

He continued to struggle, fear and depression easily readable in his face. "Seifer, calm yourself, it isn't real, listen to my voice and come back to me. Come back to the real world."

* * *

Seifer slumped in Squall's hold, hearing the deep voice had brought him out of the illusion. The rain pelted his face, mixing with the tears that had gathered there. He didn't know why he was crying, he didn't know why he hurt like this. Breathing to stay alive burned his lungs and throat making him wanted to bury himself in the ground to escape it all.

He began to shake, not from cold, but from the sheer pain of his existence, his heart felt clamped in his chest, and his eyes were open, but not looking at anything.

He couldn't find words to speak, his voice carried with the wind and the rain into the earth below.

He felt the arm around his neck loosen its hold, before both arms wrapped around him and pulled him in a tight embrace. He could feel Squall; he could feel the warm, rain-soaked skin against his own, holding his body in place, holding him to reality.

Slowly, one muscle at a time, Seifer felt himself relax. He still shivered lightly, and tears still came to his eyes, but the pain in his chest had quieted to a dull ache.

He turned his head, leaning it against the strong chest behind him. He listened to Squall's heartbeat, the steady rhythm that told the world that the brunette was alive, the beat that Seifer could never get, but maybe if he listened for longer, he could pretend it was his own.

* * *

Squall didn't know what compelled him to hold Seifer, but he was glad he did when the panting slowed, and the shaking slowed to the occasional shiver. He arranged himself a bit better so he was leaning more on the wall behind him.

He felt, rather than heard, when Seifer spoke. "Sorry Seifer, I didn't catch that."

The blonde pulled back a bit so that his voice wouldn't be muffled in Squall's chest. The brunette looked into the bloodshot-blue eyes before Seifer broke his gaze and looked down at his hands.

"How can you do this..." He said, barely a whisper.

"Do what?" Squall asked, slightly confused.

"Sit here with me! Stay with me even after the horrible things I've done. Things I've done to your friends! What I've done to you! But, you're here, and you've been here for me forever, but why? How can you look my in the eyes and not want to kill me?! Why can't you hate me?!" Seifer closed his eyes tightly.

Squall blinked in surprise, before choosing his next words. This had to be done right if he didn't want his feelings to be known, and he still had a viable answer.

"I did, for a time. When you left us, I wouldn't have hesitated killing you on first site, it wouldn't even matter the circumstance. However, I soon came to realise that it was for me to determine who deserved second chances. I'm still trying to forgive you for leaving, and betraying us, but I do understand that whatever reasons you had in your mind, were valid for you. That I shouldn't judge based on what someone did in their lifetime, but rather, what they will do with the time that they have. In answer to your question, no, I do not hate you, and you would be hard pressed now to give me a reason too."

Seifer froze completely, "I wouldn't have blamed you for killing me, or judging me. You should have done both. You are more of a friend than I should ever deserve."

Squall looked at him curiously, "Seifer...what...what did you see when you slept?" He had to know what had brought this on, he knew it would be hard for him to hear, but in order to help Seifer, he wanted to know what he was afraid of.

Seifer broke from Squall and stood. Squall immediately stood up too, fearing he had said the wrong thing.

"Do you remember... the desert prison?" Seifer said slowly.

Squall turned away. He remembered. Of course he remembered. The tears, the pain, the begging, the malice, the blade that left a permanent scar on his left arm. He remembered. He felt tears begin to fall from his eyes, at the memory of the emotional betrayal he felt, heartbroken. His fists clenched and his shoulders began to shake lightly.

"Squall? I'm sorry I-"

"No, it's okay. I'm sure remembering it for you, is as bad as it is for me." Squall turned back, a sad smile still on his face as his eyes locked onto Seifer's.

"Is it too late to apologize?"

"It won't be until I'm dead."

"I'm so sorry."

Squall couldn't hold back his tears now; they cascaded down his face, even as he tried to brush them away with the back of his hand. His eyes widened as he felt his face pressed to a muscled chest and arms wrap around him tightly.

"I'm so very sorry..."

"Apology accepted." Squall answered, his own arms wrapped tightly around Seifer's back.

"Squall, I need a friend tonight, I can't go back in there alone, and I can't see that again..." Squall could hear the worry in Seifer's voice that he was going to be abandoned.

"Idiot, I'm not going to make you go alone, you deserve better than being isolated with your demons."

He walked forward, pulling Seifer with him. Soon they were both in the bed, in dry clothing. Seifer hadn't let go of Squall at all if he could help it, but sometimes it was required.

When they finally got into bed, Seifer practically crushed Squall in his arms.

Squall didn't care, there was a time that he would've done anything to be where he was now, and he wasn't about to let the opportunity pass. He snuggled in slowly, resting his head under Seifer's chest, before following him into sleep.

* * *

Tbc.

I don't know what is happening at all in this story. Worrying I know. I have a certain point that I want to get across, and a I have two events that I really want to happen, but it'll take some wind-up, so I hope your here for the long haul.

R&R please?


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